Today when I arrived at school a little girl was excited to see me. "Hello Madame. How's the baby?" She smiled. Quickly she changed, "I forgot, I forgot." She didn't get really upset just tried to run off and erase what she had just said. "I forgot," she kept saying. I told her it was okay to forget. (I know sometimes I would like to be able to--the part of me that knows better never wants to forget.)
Yesterday two boys asked more about Gordon. "Why did he die?" I answered that I didn't know for sure. We think he may have fallen asleep on his cord and he didn't have any more oxygen to breathe. Another boy came up to me in that conversation and told me, "I'm sorry your baby died. I wanted to meet him and I didn't get to." And then the first little guy asked me what we would have named him. "We did name him. His name is Gordon." "Gordon?" They asked and smiled. Then I showed them my charm bracelet. I think boys are a little less hesitant to talk to me about Gordon. I think girls have a sense of what is "not to be talked about."
Another little girl today asked me if I had received her card. At first I didn't know what she meant but her mom explained that it was when we received all those cards. I did remember getting hers because here was a little girl who has been through, and is still going through, a lot of medical problems and she was thinking of me. The girl went on to say that it was not the most appropriate card (she's in grade two --I'm sure it was fine!) but that she was thinking of me. Her mom went on to tell me how excited her daughter was when she got the news I was coming back to teach.
I am blessed by these littles ones who do remember me and who let me remember Gordon.
9 comments:
What a lesson we can learn from these little children of yours, Jennifer!Maybe that's why you are at the shcool you are at right now!
love Sharon
Pretty amazing.
children are so innocent...and real. the questions they asked you are ones that adults are too afraid to ask. Thanks for being honest with them and for sharing...
Thank you for sharing your stories with us. Children really are so innocent and curious and they need to know the truth. Harrison and I talk about Gordon a lot, and he too has a lot of questions.
As a cute little aside to demonstrate how much we actually do pray for you: the other day I said something about baby Gordon to Harrison and he immediately answered me with "No thank you...I don't want to pray right now." I didn't know if I should laugh or cry! I wanted to share that with you and hope it brings you a smile through your tears.
At first when I read your "I forgot" story, I felt hurt for you, but then I thought, we do know how the baby is doing. He is doing much better than us in so many ways. He is in fullness of joy, love and peace and has never tasted of our bitterness of this finite world. I'm not saying you should have said all that, but her question made me think on him again, in the place where we all long to be, in the presence of the one we all long to be near.
Jenn
I am sorry I have notcalled you again. I do think of you and you family often. But atlas I am going through my own life lessons at the moment. You see just a few days after my return from Saskatoon Paul left the kids and me. We have been trying to piece ourselves back together. So as for loss I can totally relate. I too have lost someone so dear to me with no rhyme or reason. All I can say is that it does get better little by little. Happy times are still there you just have to look harder for them.
Love Alison
Your students are more wise to what matters then most adults, and yet they open you to the most amazing things that as adults we are tentative to imagine. It's amazing the care and love you receive from your students and that you are probably getting the best "therapy" possible. Love you sis!
Amazing! kids. they are so inoccent. we can learn lots from them. is it hard? to be around them saying those things all the time?
Sarah, I find it harder to answer questions or comments from adults. We have a sense how our voices should sound, how our faces should look, what words we use when we are talking about death. Kids can be pretty matter of fact...yet they start to lose that too.
Jeanette--oh do laugh! That was great.
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