Lately I've been struggling with the word deserved--had a right to, well-merited. I have to fight this kind of thinking in this season of grief. I think that losing Gordon was such a shock and against all that seems right that, if I allowed myself to think this way, I could walk around saying: I have a right to be angry, I have a right to take a break, I deserve to have bad attitude... And when I look at the world there are so many more people who have gone through worse. Yet the point is not to compare. It isn't even the point to say Jesus went through so much more than me--so what's my problem? He became like us. The point is that suffering is universal. It is a part of the human condition. That we all grieve is the point. I am no more deserving/undeserving than anyone. We have come to expect a lot of "blessings" in first world countries but we do not expect and anticipate the bad. I am not saying that we should be chicken littles or look at the world with pessimism. However I do think that so often we ask "Why me?" instead of "Why not me?" I know my thinking has had to change.
2 comments:
I can very much relate with how you're feeling. I've struggled with planting myself on this truth for a long time. What God keeps bringing me back to is my own choices. My choice to choose faith, or my choice to choose fear and doubt. For years, the situation with my daughter and her birth dad was unbearable for me. I thought I was entitled to be angry, at what was happening to me, until I realized how much my thoughts conflicted with what the Word says. Jesus says quite the opposite to us, He requires us to pick up our cross, which we forget is SUPER HEAVY. He requires alot more of me than I'd like to admit sometimes.... And in the stormy times, when everything in me wants to run away....this is when I need to cling to the truth the most!! It's when we SHARE and PARTAKE in His suffering that we become closer to Jesus, it's when we come to know more of who God is, FAITHFUL, UNCHANGING, MERICFUL, SLOW TO ANGER, JUST *if we listen*
But the amazing thing is that we do not have to rely on our sinful self to walk this out. He will fill us with the grace and power we need to walk this out to the fullest. We will not "just get through it" but we will SOAR on the wings of eagles, we will not just "survive" but we will THRIVE like a green leaf!
Your walk has been so encouraging. During the times where I had lost hope, I would come to your blog and see how God was comforting you and ministering to you. Even in the suffering you are walking in, the Living One in you is unmistakable. Thank you for allowing Him to shape you in this time, and allowing your story to shape us.
Blessings
Well, I think it's in the nature of every person to ask "Why me?" because every person wants to be happy. And Society tells us to be happy because if you are not happy you are not normal.
Bad things happen to everyone, losts, changes, break ups...and things we sometimes can't imagine at all. It hurts, sometimes just for a short while, sometimes for a long while, sometimes forever.
I think that belongs to our life just like the happy times. And we all have to cope with it. And we all do in some way or the other with the help of friends or religion or whatever suits your pain.
We just can hope that we all heel one day and that the pain will ease. It might never go away or it might ease.
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