What I do to remember my son Gordon
I wear a charm bracelet with his birthdate.
I share his baby book.
I keep a photograph of the three of us on our piano along with other family photos.
I wear one of my three lockets interchangeably--(Thanks Mom, Sue and Ange!)
I write about him.
I talk about him.
John and I donated to the Canadian Diabetes Association in his memory (as did many others).
We also adopted a World Vision child who has the same birthdate as Gordon.
At Christmas we had a stocking with his name on it (thanks Sue) and I wrote a letter to him--he also has a few ornaments (thanks Ange for the one you made) for our tree.
I go to aquamotion classes, (something he and I did together!)
This weekend we chose his gravestone so we and other family members can have a place to remember him (see image above).
None of these things will bring Gordon back. None take away the ache. But it is helpful to have tangible ways to remember him. Remembering Gordon reminds me of the faith I have in God and Jesus. Faith requires me to love them unseen, believe though I cannot touch them and honour them with my life. I cannot touch Gordon; I cannot hold him. Yet he is so real to me. I know ways of remembering him and honouring him with my life. My family, church family and friends help.
As I read blogs of my friends who have just had babies or are expecting, there is wonderment and excitement. (Entering parenthood definitely affects the way you look at God. It has for John and I). We too had wonderment and excitement. Yet we had to "let go" of our son in a way that we pray most parents will not have to. Before his birth, we ultimately had to entrust him to God's care and still do. Not a day goes by that I do not wish him here. I would trade our upcoming vacation "in a heartbeat"...just to hear his. And yet I am grateful for reminders he left us: the love he brought us, the prayers, the closeness and the stark realization that life is fragile. We do not walk in fear that we will break, but we do treat relationships with care. We treasure our moments together. We remember.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1
5 comments:
Powerful analogy about loving the unseen and faith. Your post also made me think about the phrase Jesus used: do this in remembrance of me. Thank you for sharing his marker and your remembering list. My love for you and John often draw me to think of Gordon, also the picture you gave us and the butterfly costume. I know these reminders not only draw us nearer to him, but will also serve as tools to tell Ivan and Dominique about Gordon.
I've heard that the Jews believed that when they took the Lord's supper, it was not just a cerebral remembering, but a reenactement that bonded them to him, that Christ really came to be with them in the partaking. I believe that the spirits of those who have gone before us are more present than we may think and these markers are both reminders and so much more.
I am so glad that we got to share the "wonderment and excitement" of being pregnant at the same time. Gordon will always be loved and remembered. Thank you for being so open and for sharing your album and memories with us.
I am sitting here crying after reading your words. I love you. Though I never met him, my heart also fills with love when I think of Gordon. I will keep remembering with you also.
I love reading your thoughts, Jenn. Reading them is almost like being with you, you express your heart so clearly through your words. I feel so happy that you do have so many things to remind you of your son- that you are not pushing them away to ease the pain. His perfection and his unique spirit deserve to be remembered, as well as what he taught us about life. I rejoice in knowing that your joy and your faith remain even in the most difficult of times, and that our Comfortor is very present with you. He is faithful to all. I love you, Jenn!
Hugs...
Life altering events such as losing a child can make or break us. We can allow the enemy to decieve us into thinking that we have nothing left to live for... or we can allow God to come in and use it for good, for His glory, and allow His promise for "abundant life" to overtake our lives. The title of your blog is so fitting to the testimony God is planting in your life. Such a time as this....The word says NOW is the time, TODAY is the day os salvation. I'm encouraged to see you taking full advantage of this time, to bring God the glory. Blessings
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