"Watch what you say..."

When do kids start masking and worrying about saying the right thing? For some kids it is earlier than others. I have noticed this phenomenon since my return. The little ones are not afraid to speak or ask about our baby. The older ones put on cheery faces. It is the ones in-between...when did they learn? Today a girl in grade three who does not "know" all the social rules asked what happened to my baby. Quickly one of her peers turned to her to shush her. I looked up and told them it was okay. I talked freely about Gordon and I told them I don't mind talking about him. They did want to know but they just weren't sure what to say. Adults often don't say anything. I still get hugs from parents and they tell me, "We're glad that you're back" but there are no questions. For most adults there probably is not much left to say and that is alright. Others may think that it is too difficult for me. Ah...but I am grateful to those who do ask*, who do want to talk about him, who do say his name. He is my son. It is ok to be real.

*This may seem like a contradiction from me saying "I am more than my grief!" But when people ask about Gordon it seems like they want conversation. They are not trying to peer in and watch to see if I'm going to break down. Does that make sense? Grief oftentimes doesn't make a lot of sense.