Has God heard my prayers (more like the Spirit's Groans...)? I think so. Do I hear Him? I hope that I'm listening. Sometimes it is hard to listen. To be quiet. Sometimes I welcome hearing God through the people I love. (At times when I can't pray...which is often, he hears me through prayers of my family and friends --a friend and sister in faith and grief gave me that!)
Sue shared with me a beautiful thought. After reading my blog about the boy who gave me that special hug she thought of that as Gordon hugging me. Thank you Sue.
What do I hear? I hear life going on (as it should), people laughing and crying--some complaining--Did I do that? Why did I do that? I hear our furnace kick in, warming our house in the cold. I hear the quietness of our of our nursery, knowing that all of Heaven hears Gordon's voice.
And I hear the quiet of God's blanketing:
Psalm 91:4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
And the sound of being surrounded:
verse 11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways...
I want to be a better listener. He has told me a lot through Gordon.
I know He has more to tell me.
2 comments:
Hi Jenn!!
I have had you on my mind a LOT recently, and I found myself on your blog (I got the website from JC) and I thought it was neat that your blog title was "I'm listening". I want to say to you that first of all I LOVE YOU. God has never ever fully separated us--I seem to find you or you find me... its a God thing. I am so deeply sorry for the loss of Gordon... you, John and Gordon have been in my prayers a lot and I am here for the purpose of listening ANYtime you want or need an ear. I know how people say things that they think are going to help, and you know how much fun I have trying to find words most of the time anyways so I want to say this.
God has purpose in all things great and small and in the times when our spirit is broken or fractured or even shaken God is walking with us through it. We are human, and God built us this way. It doesn't matter what war we are fighting... and how angry, bitter, sad, happy, etc we are-- He is there. Trust me, I have fought so long and hard for my life but in that I found God's reflection... you always promised me that He would speak to me in a way that I would understand and HE DID. Rememeber all of the questions I had for you all of the time at Camp?? My spirit was shaken, and I didn't understand anything. I was making bad choice after bad choice and learning many MANY lessons along the way. It's taken me losing almost everything to gain everything... And to find Him I had to pay attention to what He was trying to tell me. And I didn't want to listen, I was mad and had had enough. But in those moments of anger and frustration He spoke loud and clear and it did take me awhile to SEE that He was talking to me. And when I finally "got it". But it took me showing intense emotions to FIND HIM when I thought He had lost me. And even today I have to glance to make sure that He is still with me because life can play tricks on us. I am no expert here... but God has been speaking to my heart and here I am finding you because that's what He wants me to do. I love you, and I miss you and I pray for you, John and your families every single day.
The impact that you have had on my life is more than I could ever express Jenn... your words of wisdom will never be forgotten in my life. I would love to talk to you sometime soon whenever you would like. My email address is d.renwick@sasktel.net
My spirit is with you, cheering you on. I love you. I agree with Sue, but had never thought of that hug being from Gordon. Sometimes Gordon's memory for me is of a baby (usually when I'm missing him), other times he is so much bigger. As I see Ivan discover the world and utter things of the Spirit, it made me think that Gordon's knowledge of eternity and love and peace... the depths of God is perfect and complete. I think it gives him pleasure to know we love him so and that he gets to share with us too- although not always how we wanted him to.
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