John and I have not had years of grief to look back on--just three months. And yet when I read Steve's blog I know that this is what I am feeling. He has expressed it so well. Yesterday night John and I were discussing the phrase "meant to be." I said that I did not feel it was meant to be that Gordon would die. From the moment he was conceived he was meant to live! I also said that I cannot believe in a God who means for our suffering or pain to happen; instead, I feel He is our father, saying "I know" and wrapping us in His arms. And He tells us, "That's why I have this perfect place waiting for you." Steve said that he felt that same thing (that I described to John last night), nine years ago in hospital elevator--the words, "I know." This is the God I believe in, who knows and shares in our pain. I do not think God makes us suffer like this but my grief has opened my eyes to Him being at work. I am thankful this morning for Steve's post. I am thankful for his son Nathan.
3 comments:
Sometimes I think there is nothing left to say. But then there is. Isn't it weired?
Beautifully said, Jenn. We are all made for eternity....not just temporary earth. Some of us get short days here and some longs days here.....but man, eternity is eternity! Gordon was made for it, as were you and I. Our sons began their eternal life sooner...but we are still waiting for our time to begin.....and then we will meet them again!!!
Jenn, this idea has been something that has been pretty hard for me too - although my daughter lived. I guess I have thought about it a lot too - because 15 years ago she would have died - for certain. Getting to know her now there is nothing in me that would see that as meant to be. I am so grateful that she is still here. I know Gordon's life would have been as meaningful as Bronwyn's and he would have grown and been a wonderful joy. He is however, as Rebecca so beautifully said living eternally. Thanks for you words - they really have been an encouragement to me.
Roberta
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