It was good to be away, to soak in the warmth, to swim outside every day and every night. It was good to be with my best friend in this beautiful place. It was good to be a happy young couple--nobody in our encounters knew our sorrow; nobody knew who and what brought us there...
Before leaving the Saskatoon airport we met up with a woman I knew from Camp Easter Seal days and her three children, one a baby son. She was at the airport to greet someone. She asked what was new with me. I introduced John and said, "We're going to Barbados." It was information enough for her. "We'd probably be going somewhere too but this one came along and our plans changed," she said. Ahh...plans do change.
You cannot plan for grief. It really is always there. Its waves hit and crash at any moment. We were at this beautiful restaurant, Brown Sugar. The food was spectacular and so was the atmosphere. Behind me was a mural seen in the photo. We enjoyed our meal and were taking in the place. I looked over at the family of four at a table next to us who were enjoying desserts. The wave crashed over me. The son, about six or seven years old had crawled into his mother's lap.
This is life. "Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15) It's weird...I never thought these two things could be so close together--are so close together. Sweet Sarah is mourning her son and having another baby all at the same time! So many dear friends and family members are watching with delight their babies grow, while we ache. We rejoice and sorrow and so do they.
I do laugh and I do enjoy life. In some ways in think I appreciate life more. "At any moment" just means that I am not in control. I cannot blame anyone when a plan doesn't work out or when someone says something that triggers tears. I need to trust.
"Trust the Lord your God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:4-6
6 comments:
Thanks for sharing. Great words.
Plans.
They seem to be the idol of the western world.
Making plans is good. But leaving room for sudden change seems wiser.
I've heard it called "rigid flexibility". How's that for an oxymoron?
Glad you had a good time and are back safe.
'You cannot plan for grief. It really is always there. Its waves hit and crash at any moment."
For anyone who has exeprienced grief/loss, Jennifer, these words are so true and that is OK.
Love to you both. Glad you had a good holiday in Barbados!
Sharon
While everyone else is making these deep comments, I wanted to say: Your hair looks so great! I've been wanting all my life to make my hair do that. Maybe we should all move to the caribean- is great hair a good enough reason? OK, maybe not quite good enough ;) hugs from us- we're with you in this.
Oh yeah! Grief sneaks upon you and hits you from behind. Like all other "bad" emotions. Anger, disapointment, even hate. But you are strong and you will be able to cope with it. And you are not alone, because John is with you.
Though I'm not so great at the deep stuff, especially since everyone else basically said what i wanted to say but one thing I do know. I love you both and I am glad you got away and have a vacation. You both needed one. You'll still be in all our prayers.
So glad you had a wonderful time...you really deserve and need it. I agree with Ange...not only your hair, but YOU look beautiful! So great to see you smiling and rejoicing in life and love, as tough as it must be when those "waves hit and crash hard" into your heart, your life and your "plans".
We love you and pray for you everyday. Harrison is full of questions about "Baby Gordon" as we affectionately call him, and I'm doing my best to answer them...it's tougher than I thought. Take care!
Love Jeannette & Harrison OX
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