Where I've been and promises

I hit a writer's block for this blog not quite a month ago. Cirque de Soleil was over--it was great--and Mother's Day was approaching. Then it came and went. There was too much to say on the topic of Mother's Day...my being a mother, thoughts on my own mom and John's mom and how they have seen us through. And so with too much to say I said nothing. For more than one reason. I wanted to wait until to the end of June to say anything here, but many people already know. I am pregnant. Nine weeks. The end of June will be twelve weeks--not that that's a magic number. So I'm asking for prayers and yes I am happy. I have another blog because I felt that this baby deserved his or her own story. (Even though I realize how I am not good at compartmentalizing my life.) So that's it. People are excited for us. We are too. I've had some symptoms that curbed some excitement and caused a lot of pain but that seems to be getting somewhat better. I have a lot of concerns but I know this is normal. If you would like to read more you can go here.

One thing people feel compelled to say is "I know that things will be fine," or "Everything will be okay with this pregnancy." I want to reassure you that you do not need to tell me this! We don't tell couples "We know you are going to make it and last forever," on their wedding day (or for their second marriage). It is our hope and prayer of course! I am not going into this pregnancy thinking or expecting the worst. But I know that this kind of promise is a desire but it is not fact. We do not know what the future holds--this is a grace from God. I realize that people have hopes and dreams (some have had actual dreams too!) for us. I love to hear that. But I do not need to hear that there will be no problems. I have walked through grief. I know that it cannot be promised away or predicted. We all had hoped and wanted the best with Gordon. Someone had even written in a card that all would be fine--but it wasn't. I do not need to hold that over that person. She didn't know--how could she? And so with this pregnancy please know that I will have worries but I have to leave that with God. Whether or not this pregnancy and this baby will be fine I know that God holds me. If you feel that I need a promise of reassurance please take that to God.

And so yes I live each day with some white knuckles and bated breath but I also live with the knowledge that "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." That is a promise good enough for me.